All About TRUST

“We have all been hurt and experienced pain at some point in our lives. That pain compromises our trust and can transform our perspective on life. It is natural psychologically to defend ourselves when we feel vulnerability would be dangerous, but trust is as much a blessing for our own mental health as it is a gift for those we chose to trust. When trauma or pain takes away our ability to trust others, this means it is continually hurting us and depriving us of deep, meaningful bonds.

Our spiritual heart-felt side cannot thrive if we keep ourselves walled up. While we must be careful with whom we decide to open up with, it is not healthy to withdraw trust from everyone. Every relationship whether intimate, professional or family based requires a certain level of trust.

What is Trust

Trust refers to our ability to confidently believe that someone else’s intentions are good towards us. It is our ability to predict someone’s behavior and how they will respond to situations. Trust is just as much logical and based on evidence as it is emotional and instinctual. We FEEL trust, but we also calculate it.

The Future of Trust | Download

Much of our social interactions are based on a give and take system, trust is a crucial part of this. When we marry someone and choose to trust them with our well-being, we have certain expectations of what they will give to the relationship as well as what we will give. Even if you consider the act of buying a car, it is natural to have more trust in a dealer selling you a certified used car with a warranty versus someone off the street that might give you a better deal but no warranty.

It comes down to this. If you believe someone will do right by you even in a difficult situation, you have trust in them. If you are unsure if someone will do right by you, then you don’t trust them.

Developing Trust

It takes time to develop trust in someone, this is typically not an overnight process although in some social situations such as with a religious leader, we tend to expect trustworthiness out of them. As we have more social interactions and experiences together we start to notice their trends which either indicate they are dependable or not trustworthy.

In some situations, the other person is asked to sacrifice something such as money or time to meet our needs, those situations draw us closer to them and allow us to let our guards down. Although it is inevitable we will have to take a leap of faith at some point to develop deep and significant trust.

Trust in Relationships

The depth of our trust we develop in a relationship is so important as it relates to the extent we commit ourselves and invest. Considering the give and take social system, we give a lot more of ourselves to someone when we trust them and in return, we hope to receive that back. Insecurity about whether someone will act in our better interest causes us to withdraw emotionally, spiritually and often physically from that person. We will create a psychological distance from the other person as a means of defense.

Think of it like building a castle around our heart, we allow them to roam outside of our castle, but we won’t let down the drawbridge so easily. It is impossible to be close to someone if we won’t let them inside. Naturally, the person roaming the castle will grow tired and eventually withdraw, thus ending the relationship. This can relate to business partnerships and friendships just as much as intimate relationships.

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Can You Trust Again?

Even if you have been badly hurt and betrayed, perhaps in a very traumatic situation, you can learn to trust people again. You have the power to decide if you will let their actions continue to hurt you and impact your ability to trust others or if you will make the choice to move forward, heal and work on trusting others.

4 Steps Towards Learning to Trust Again

  1. Trust yourself. You cannot expect to trust others if you don’t trust yourself. Do not blame yourself for the past pain that robbed you of trust. Remember you are making the choice to stop giving power to that pain. Have faith in your judgment and don’t doubt yourself based upon past experiences.
  2. Forgiveness. This doesn’t mean you are forgetting or condoning what the other person did, but you are choosing to be the better person and extend forgiveness to them as well as yourself. You are refusing to let their bad choices dictate your future. Every major religion in the world promotes forgiveness and mercy. Not just as an act of charity, but as a means of healing your own heart.

…you do not do evil to those who do evil to you, but you deal with them with forgiveness and kindness…

  1. Stop victimizing yourself. We always have a choice when we are hurt, to remain the victim or to become stronger. No matter how harsh of a pain you endured, it is your choice to use it as a crutch and stay withdrawn OR take the steps forward toward healing. I have often heard the expression that which does not kill you only makes you stronger, it is true if you allow it to be. Stop being the victim, start being the victor. No one will hand you the ability to trust again, you must work toward it.
  2. Accept vulnerability. Trust requires being vulnerable, which yes that means you must accept the risk you might get hurt. Every time we trust someone it is a careful risk calculation. Without the occasional leaps of faith, you will never know the extent of trust and love you can experience.

Final Thoughts

Trust is a critical component of our mental well-being, if we cannot trust anyone else then we lack trust in our own judgment. To achieve our happiest and most positive state of mind, we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable. That doesn’t mean we never have our guards up, of course, we must be mindful of who has access to our heart and the ability to harm us. Trust is a careful calculation of risk and reward. You have the ability to learn how to trust again, I did.”

Source: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/spirituality/2018/08/learning-how-to-trust-again/

Watch “The Century of the Self (Full Documentary)” on YouTube

“Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, changed our perception of the mind and its workings. The documentary explores the various ways that governments and corporations have used Freud’s theories. Freud and his nephew Edward Bernays, who was the first to use psychological techniques in public relations, are discussed in part one. His daughter Anna Freud, a pioneer of child psychology, is mentioned in part two. Wilhelm Reich, an opponent of Freud’s theories, is discussed in part three.

To many in politics and business, the triumph of the self is the ultimate expression of democracy, where power has finally moved to the people. Certainly, the people may feel they are in charge, but are they really? The Century of the Self tells the untold and sometimes controversial story of the growth of the mass-consumer society. How was the all-consuming self created, by whom, and in whose interests?
BBC publicity.[6]
Along these lines, The Century of the Self asks deeper questions about the roots and methods of consumerism and commodification and their implications. It also questions the modern way people see themselves, the attitudes to fashion, and superficiality.

The business and political worlds use psychological techniques to read, create and fulfill the desires of the public, and to make their products and speeches as pleasing as possible to consumers and voters. Curtis questions the intentions and origins of this relatively new approach to engaging the public.

Where once the political process was about engaging people’s rational, conscious minds, as well as facilitating their needs as a group, Stuart Ewen, a historian of public relations, argues that politicians now appeal to primitive impulses that have little bearing on issues outside the narrow self-interests of a consumer society.

The words of Paul Mazur, a leading Wall Street banker working for Lehman Brothers in 1927, are cited: “We must shift America from a needs- to a desires-culture. People must be trained to desire, to want new things, even before the old have been entirely consumed. […] Man’s desires must overshadow his needs.”[7]

In part four the main subjects are Philip Gould, a political strategist, and Matthew Freud, a PR consultant and the great-grandson of Sigmund Freud. In the 1990s, they were instrumental to bringing the Democratic Party in the US and New Labour in the United Kingdom back into power through use of the focus group, originally invented by psychoanalysts employed by US corporations to allow consumers to express their feelings and needs, just as patients do in psychotherapy.

Curtis ends by saying that, “Although we feel we are free, in reality, we—like the politicians—have become the slaves of our own desires,” and compares Britain and America to ‘Democracity’, an exhibit at the 1939 New York World’s Fair created by Edward Bernays.”

Source: Wikipedia search for “Century Of The Self documentary.”