What Is Numerology?

What Is Numerology?


In simple terms, numerology is a study of numbers in your life. You can uncover information about the world and also each individual person by using Numerology. Numerology is seen as a universal language of numbers.

If you are familiar with Astrology, then you may know a little bit about Numerology; it is similar in quite a few ways but uses a different method to get the information and insight: Numbers.

Numerology is the idea that the universe is a system and once broken down we are left with the basic elements, which is numbers. These numbers can then be used to help us to better understand the world and ourselves as individuals.

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Finding Meaning In Numbers
Numerology is the idea that the universe is a system; once broken down we are left with the basic elements, which is numbers. By understanding that everything in the world is dependent on, and can equate to numbers, a numerologist can take multiple elements of a person and break them down into meaningful numbers through various methods. These numbers can then be used to help us to better understand the world and ourselves as individuals where you can discover insights about your purpose and personality traits by working out things like your life path number, expression number and hearts desire number among many others.

The History Of Numerology
Where numerology came from and how it came to be is somewhat of a mystery, like many ancient philosophies. Egypt and Babylon are where the earliest written records of numerology are said to be.

Other evidence shows that numerology was used thousands of years ago in Rome, China, Greece, and Japan.

Modern-day numerology is normally credited to Pythagoras, who was a Greek philosopher. Although it is not known if he invented Numerology, he had some theories behind it, which took numbers to a completely different level. These theories are now the reason behind Pythagoras having the credit for modern day numerology.

Dr. Julian Stenton was actually the person who came up with the name ‘Numerology’. He also bought recognition and awareness to it in modern day times. There is not much else known about the whereabouts of Numerology, it has become quite popular in today’s society and is used by many.

How Does Numerology Work? The Basics
How numerology works is actually quite complicated and usually requires a master numerologist to provide detailed and accurate readings. Though you can easily find your life path number and things like your expression, personality, and soul urge numbers using basic calculations, it is the way that these numbers work together that need to be interpreted properly.

The idea behind numerology is that the cosmos and your life is affected by your birth date, birth name and many other factors surrounding an individual. In this way, there are great depths that a numerology forecast can provide. Consequently, it can provide often astounding insights about somebody.

It is believed that there are no coincidences in the Universe that your name and birthday affect the journey that you will take and your characteristics, in the same way, that some look at horoscopes or astrology to interpret signs or destinies.

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What A Numerology Reading Involves
A numerology reading involves a lot of calculations. These calculations can go into many layers of depth with different numbers and combinations of numbers carrying various meanings. Even a basic reading based on your core numbers can be quite revealing. However, in the same manner that numbers are infinite, someone’s numerology chart can continue to be read from many perspectives as an ongoing project.

Getting a numerology reading is actually quite fun and very interesting, especially at numerologist.com which has an amazing, visual platform that takes you through the journey of breaking down the 5 core elements of your chart to build your personal chart.

This is a great introduction for beginners, and it is also suited for those who want a deeper reading. Starting with your name and date of birth, they explain how your free numerology chart will not only tell you about yourself but help to provide direction in your life and wellbeing using a combination of your Life Path Number, Birthday Number, Soul Urge Number, Expression Number, and Personality Number.

Your Numerology Life Path Number
In Numerology, your life path number is the most important number. It forms the basis of what path your life could take. Similarly, it should be reflective of who you are, or should be, in your personality and traits. A life path number also outlines any opportunities or challenges you may face, as well as any lessons you may have to learn along the way.

Each life path number has a different meaning.

It is calculated by adding up the numbers in your full date of birth.
For example, April 4th 1992, would be 4 + 4 = 8. Then the 1992 is broken down as 1 + 9 + 9 + 2 = 21.

Now you add the two digits of 21 together as 2 + 1 = 3.

This is the same with any double digit numbers which you should keep adding together until you end up with a 1 digit number.
Example: 19 becomes 1 + 9 = 10, then 1 + 0 = 1). Finally, add the 8 and 3 together for your life path number i.e. 8 + 3 = 11.

Sound complicated? It’s easier than you’d think.

You can learn more about the Numerology calculator and life path number meanings here.

Once you have determined your life plan number, you can then see what it says about you and your life. And it is surprising how accurate just knowing the general traits of your life path number can be to an individual. This is why many go on to find out more about themselves with more in-depth readings.

Your Expression Number
Also known as your destiny number, an expression number is said to delve into your abilities, desires and personal goals. It could also make you aware of any inherent traits that you may carry.

Your expression number is calculated by converting your FULL birth name (including any middle names) into numbers using the Pythagorean chart. This type of chart correlates a letter with a single digit number. Then, the total sum is broken down to a single digit number. Once again the master numbers apply to your destiny number and are not reduced any further.

Whatever expression number you are left with has a different meaning and works in combination with other core numbers to build a picture of who you are and what you’re about as a person in the wider universe.

Your Soul Urge Number
Your soul urge number is often referred to as the Heart’s Desire number in numerology. This can symbolize a reflection of your inner, or true, self. The most interesting thing about the soul urge number is that it often reveals truths in people that they only recognize once a reading is completed.

For example, your heart’s desire number may show that you actually crave power. Or, that you are much deeper and require a higher level of fulfillment. Alternatively, you may have a need to feel valued or cared for… All of these qualities can often sit beneath the surface and in revelation can be quite enlightening. Even changing the entire direction of a person’s life to find true happiness.

The calculation is similar to others using your full birth name. However, you only calculate the value of the vowels to reveal your inner urges or desires.

Your Numerology Personality Number
Your personality number in numerology is calculated using only the consonants in your full name. This is then followed by the same process of allocating a number to each letter before adding them up and breaking them down to get to a single digit number or master number.

The personality number is literally the side of you that you allow people to see. In turn this shows how others see you. What is true of most people is that we hide our true selves and therefore live under a persona. Sometimes this is done with great consideration. However, most of the time we do this without even realizing, or being entirely conscious of it. For that reason, it is often quite enlightening to see how your personality number can show the things that you ignore or don’t deal with by acting the way that you do. So, in turn, it can reveal deeper insights into your behaviors in different circumstances.

Your Birth Day Number In Numerology
Lastly but by no means least, your birthday number holds the key to you and your destiny. This number is entirely based on the exact day you were born. Combined with your life path number and other core numbers this can unveil your gifts, talents and even your entire life’s purpose.

Based on your day of birth with the month, your birthday number will tell you of specific talents and potentially where they fit into your universe in order to give yourself true purpose.

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7 Interesting Facts About Numerology
So now that you are starting to realize that the numbers in your life (whether you notice them yet or not) could have more meaning than you think, here are some interesting facts about Numerology that are worth knowing.

Fact 1: Positive And Negative Numbers
All numbers used in numerology include both positive and negative features that should be recognized. Though numbers have a balance of positive and negative throughout their whole self, it is important to know that numbers are influenced by many factors. This includes your outlook and other numbers that are correlated with your different life aspects, such as career, business, health, and love.

A true, in-depth numerology forecast will not simply focus on the positives and will consider the impact of negative numbers in your chart in order to give you the best understanding of yourself. This is where numerology is used to help people focus their lives for the better.

Fact 2: Master Numbers In Numerology
Master numbers in numerology are 11, 22 or 33. They have deep and powerful meanings. The true meanings can be good or bad depending on the context. Therefore, it is important to interpret master numbers properly. Mostly they should be used for guidance or revelation of certain circumstances that impact somebody’s life in a way that needs to be addressed.

Typically, the methods used during a numerology reading mean that double-digit numbers found in date of births (birthday numbers) are usually split apart and added together to leave a single digit number that becomes a part of the calculation. But when the result of a calculation equates to a master number, it is not reduced and will carry its own meaning.

Master number 11 can relate to “instinct” and “faith”. Similarly, it could signify fear and anxiety, so has to be carefully read.

Number 22 is the Master Builder. It is the most powerful indicator of ambition and success, though often requires guidance or different perspectives.

The number 33 has various meanings as one of your core numbers i.e. Life Path, Expression, Personality etc. Not forgetting that all of these master numbers can be combined to form entirely different meanings in partnership with others, or as a triangle of enlightenment!

Fact 3: Using Numbers As A Guide For Life
Numerology in its fullest form is much more than a reading or insight into who you are as a person. In fact, many followers and advocates of numerology include highly successful celebrities that attribute their careers to numerology. The science of numerology tells you what your barriers are. Plus, it can give you a direction based on your position in the universe, potentially attributing to this success.

Deep and powerful feelings that many initially find hard to comprehend become apparent, it can inspire people to change their direction completely and begin to treat numerology as a forecast for life.

Fact 4: Converting To Numerology
Numerologists often report that once people take the step to look further into their numerology chart, they are so taken with the revelations of some of their core desires and issues in life that they will often continue on their path of discovery and enlightenment. Once you discover the accuracy of numerology readings, you can discover the truth yourself. Plus, learn what those inner feelings have been trying to tell you all of your life.

Fact 5: Strengths And Weaknesses For Purpose
Because of the accuracy of reading and insights they reveal, friends and others that have taken numerology readings will often encourage others to look into numerology as a way to find their true strengths and weaknesses. Through this discovery alone you can give yourself a better idea of what you should and shouldn’t be doing in your life. Furthermore, this could give you greater purpose to move forward.

Fact 6: So Many Numbers And Meanings
Though there are calculators and online tools to work out your individual core numbers, it is important for people to understand that there are so many numbers and meanings behind combinations of numbers and your individual self that you need a proper numerologist to interpret these for you. Where a birthday calculator can give you that one number and its meaning can show you certain basic principles behind your character, your life path number gives that factor a different meaning or viewpoint. This is where numerology is much more insightful than horoscopes and other spiritual based methods used in a similar way.

Fact 7: Numerology From Birth
One of the most fascinating aspects of numerology is that the readings are all based around the time you entered the universe in your human form. From your birth. So whether you like your name or not, or when your birthday sits in the year, all of it has a meaning.

If it were known at your time of birth and your parents were numerologists, then effectively you would never have had to consider who you are and what you should be doing in life to make you happy, or important in the world. So be proud of your full name and whenever your birthday may fall! Numerology, and its factors suggests everything about the reason you are here at all. And it’s never too late to find out.”

Source: https://www.thelawofattraction.com/what-is-numerology/

Why Do We Gossip?

Gossip. All humans partake in some form, despite the age-old adage, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Whether it’s workplace chatter, the sharing of family news or group texts between friends, it’s inevitable that everyone who talks, well, talks about other people. In fact, a 1993 observational study found that male participants spent 55% of conversation time and female participants spent 67% conversation time on “the discussion of socially relevant topics.”

People tend to think of gossip as synonymous with malicious rumors, put-downs or the breathless propagation of a tabloid scoop. But researchers often define it more broadly: as “talking about people who aren’t present,” says Megan Robbins, an assistant professor of psychology at The University of California, Riverside. “It’s something that comes very naturally to us” — an integral part of conversation, information sharing and even community building.

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“It’s not necessarily negative,” adds David Ludden, professor of psychology at Georgia Gwinnett College and the author of The Psychology of Language: An Integrated Approach. “It can be positive or neutral.”

In a 2019 meta-analysis published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, Robbins and a colleague found that, of the 52 minutes a day on average the 467 subjects spent gossiping, three-quarters of that gossip was actually neutral. One subject for example, spoke about someone who was watching a lot of movies to stay current. “It was kind of boring,” Robbins says, “not salacious and negative” at all.

Just a small portion of the conversations analyzed — around 15% — was deemed negative gossip (though positive gossip amounted to a smaller portion still, at only 9%). So while it is true that people can spend a significant amount of time talking about their peers, oftentimes that chatter is benign.

Why do people gossip?
Some researchers argue that gossip helped our ancestors survive. Evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar first pioneered this idea, comparing gossip to the grooming primates engage in as a means of bonding. Instead of picking fleas and dirt off one another to bond, Ludden explains, we now talk, which is “where gossip comes in, because chit-chat is mostly talking about other people and conveying social information.”

Gossiping, Dunbar’s work argues, gives humans the ability to spread valuable information to very large social networks. “Were we not able to engage in discussions of these [social and personal] issues, we would not be able to sustain the kinds of societies that we do,” she explained in a 2003 paper published in the Review of General Psychology. “Gossip in this broad sense plays a number of different roles in the maintenance of socially functional groups through time.”

How Gossip Can Help You
“We are much more social [than our evolutionary forbearers],” says Ludden, “so it can be very helpful to get information about people [from others] when this network is too big to observe by ourselves.”

Some scholars view gossip as evidence of cultural learning, offering teachable moments and providing people examples of what’s socially acceptable — and what’s not. For example, if there’s someone who cheats a lot in a community or social circle and people start to talk about that person in a negative way, says Robbins, the collective criticism should warn others of the consequences of cheating. And as word near-inevitably trickles back to source of said gossip, it can “serve to keep people in check, morally speaking,” Robbins adds.

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What happens physiologically when people gossip?
In a 2015 study published in Social Neuroscience, scientists looked at brain imaging of men and women as they heard positive and negative gossip about themselves, their best friends and celebrities. People hearing gossip — good and bad — about themselves, as well as negative gossip in general, showed more activity in the prefrontal cortex of their brains, which is key to our ability to navigate complex social behaviors.

This activity indicated the subjects responded to the gossip and its insight. The authors say this is related to our desire to be seen positively by others and fit in socially, regardless of whether this reflects what we’re actually feeling.

The study also found that the caudate nucleus, a reward center in the brain, was activated in response to negative gossip about celebrities; subjects seemed to be amused or entertained by salacious celebrity scandals. (The researchers also polled how the subjects felt, in addition to studying what their brain images revealed. Not surprisingly, they were happier to hear positive gossip about themselves, and more irked by hearing negative gossip about themselves as opposed to hearing gossip about others.)

So, can gossip be good for you?
“People are really resistant to thinking about gossip as anything but a bad behavior,” says Robbins. And Feinberg notes that there are some types of gossip that should be avoided, such as gossip that is purely harmful and serves no greater purpose — like mean comments about someone’s looks.

In such a scenario, “you’re not learning anything,” Robbins adds. “No one is benefiting.”

There’s also a physiological distinction to be drawn between active and passive participation in gossip. Matthew Feinberg, an assistant professor of organizational behavior at the University of Toronto’s Rotman School of Management, and his colleagues explored this in a 2012 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. When subjects heard about another person’s anti-social behavior or an injustice, their heart rates increased. When they were able to actively gossip about the person, or the situation, on the other hand, it soothed them and brought their heart rates down. The act of gossiping, Feinberg explains, “helps calm the body.”

In addition, Feinberg’s research has shown that gossip can promote cooperation by spreading important information. “When people say ‘your reputation precedes you,’ it’s because they have heard gossip about that person,” he says, which “can be extremely useful.” That said, disseminating or not correcting gossip you know to be untrue doesn’t have any pro-social benefit.

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In another of Feinberg’s studies, a group of participants identified members who behaved selfishly via gossip, and promptly kicked them out. In the study, participants were divided into subgroups, and then each person was given a number of points representing small sums of money. Each participant could contribute these points to their group — in which case, the points would be doubled and redistributed equally — or keep them for themselves. Armed with the knowledge of their peers’ decisions, participants then played the game over again in different groupings. Crucially, they could inform their new groups how much someone had contributed in earlier exercises, and could vote to exclude someone who had behaved selfishly from a round entirely.

Having eliminated those bad apples, remaining participants were then able to work more harmoniously and inflate their collective pot. Individuals who had given less than half their points initially increased their contributions by the end of the latter rounds, while those who had been excluded gave significantly more after they were allowed back into the game, conforming to the less selfish behavior.

Gossiping also says something about the relationships people have with each other. “In order to gossip, you need to feel close to people,” says Stacy Torres, assistant professor of sociology at the University of California, San Francisco, who has studied gossip in older adults. “There’s an intimacy” to sharing experiences and feeling like you’re on the same page about others, she points out. Torres’ research has found that gossip can stave off loneliness, while other studies have found it can facilitate bonding and closeness and serve as a form of entertainment.

So, keep on talking. And when your conversation turns to gossip, as it inevitably will, remember that some good can come of it — with the right intentions, of course.”

Source: https://time.com/5680457/why-do-people-gossip/

04/05/20: UPDATE What Is Life Now? A True Horror Show

I’ve been putting writing this post off for a while now, there has been a lot of resistance within myself, stress, sleep deprivation and confusion of how I am to word this post of my current reality.

I have no idea how I am still alive.

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I can begin by stating that my life is absolute misery, pain, terror and a horror story. It’s all about how you perceive things but believe me, transfer your consciousness into this physical vehicle and you would go to the nearest train station, find the nearest rope, find as many pills as you can, find a cliff and jump. It’s pure torture, being whipped metaphorically by the devil and tormented and chained up. Every moment of everyday I am screaming and begging for it all to stop. If you continue reading, if you dare, you’ll find out why. Life is far from the pretty pictures of flowers and plants I post. It’s all pretend and fake; it makes me sick. I feel so misunderstood and of course we are all living our subjective experiences but there is no unity of connection or relation in my world. I feel so alone it’s like being in the underworld of Greek Mythology, in pitch black and no one can hear your screams, all they hear is your fake laughs and words. All I have ever wanted was peace. Instead I have gotten the very opposite. I have brought it on myself ultimately but of course I never wanted this.

I’m fucking proud of myself for getting this far. If I died today I would die in awe of how I have fought this battle and overcame absolute terrifying experiences. I am the weakest strongest person in a paradoxical sense.

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Daily I experience fibromyagia, this is a chronic pain condition with no cure, it causes burning sensations all over the body, fatigue and cognitive issues like memory problems. The pain in my body seems to be getting worse, I limp some days and can’t get out of bed. I can’t sleep because of the intense pain I am in. Invisible knives jab at me. I wake up and feel as if I have been in a car crash. This condition seems to be getting worse and I cannot cope with the level of pain I am in. Every single thing I do, move, breathe, eat, it screams at me from my limbs. Acid is burning away at my bones. I sit here with my whole body knotted up and my limbs creaking every stretch I take. It feels like I haven’t stretched in years. In a 20 year old body I feel about 70. Waking hurts, moving hurts, staying still hurts. Every single second is agony and unbearable. My knees feel like some unseen force is grinding them dowon with a big chisel and drilling into them. My ankles feel as if they have been squeezed and chained up in cuffs. My spine is so sore every step I take it aches like a thousand bruises line my back. My neck can barely hold my head up. Every part of my body burns 24/7. No medication, no therapies, nothing works and I feel like I am chasing my own tail, going round and round in circles.

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I can’t sleep. For the past three weeks since I left the city and you because I had to, I have had insomnia. Four hours here, three hours here. I brought a new duvet, new soft pillows and they help a bit, I’ve started to get 6 hours of sleep that is broken into parts. I wake around 2pm every night and cannot get back to sleep until around four or five am in the morning. My mind is so active and hyper, it won’t settle down. The evenings are scary, I don’t know if I’ll be alone awake all night by myself, staring at the ceiling wishing I was dead. I yearn for sleep, to go unconsciousness so I don’t have to deal with this reality anymore. All my sleep problems started when I travelled to The Netherlands and lived in a squat; all day everyday there was loud techno music playing constantly. I’ve been on high alert since. Along with copious amounts of trauma and homelessness in various countries no wonder I cannot sleep. I was smoking weed for the past two years on and off here and there to sleep, to cope with the fibromyalgia pain and to escape from the misery of my reality. I’m three weeks clean from cannabis now. I don’t want to smoke cannabis anymore, not for a long while. Maybe here and there sometimes but I realise that this plant is sacred and I want to use it in beneficial and respectful way in the fugue. I’m already up there you know, I’m already in the sky, I’m already able to see psychedelic visions and get high without cannabis.

I’ve moved back to my parents house, I’ve been here three weeks for reasons I do not need to disclose. I’ve come back to the place where all the trauma and pain started. I’ve been running away from this village and bedroom for years and always end up coming back. A lot has happened in this bedroom I am writing in, taking psychedelics, dark nights of the soul, spiritual awakenings and a whole truck load of pain. I’ve designed it with plants, new pillows, posters and wall art; materialism doesn’t change my mental health but all I could do was try. It is a beautiful room though but part of me wants to chuck it all out of the window.

I’ve started therapy and have help from a man who is very much spiritually aware for all the issues I deal with: fibromyaglia, PTSD, anorexia, OCD, traumas, insecurities from bullying and giving my power away. I am wary of therapy as I have had so much pain fro other human beings that I don’t trust anyone anymore, so in the beginning my therapist focused on me becoming a tree, stable and grounded, which is a common theme in my life I need to implement, I’ve punched pillows and tried to release all the anger I have inside. I’ve spent my whole life suppressing my feelings. I’ve been walked all over because of my empathy and kindness being abused. I have this deep inner anger welling up inside that I do not know what to do with. I am finally standing up for myself. Things that have happened to me, that I have experience are not okay. I have let people take advantage of my purity. Not anymore. All this trauma I have is stored inside of my body and manifested as fibromyalgia. I’m angry at myself for letting all this happen to me and for letting myself get fucked up so to say. Working with these too people I have expected more, they are not my friends, they are my helpers, I have to realise that. I’ve written letters to my young and older self and forgiven. I’ve visualised the places where I was bullied and told my younger self she is beautiful and these people who bullied me were projecting their insecurities onto me; I do not need to carry that baggage anymore. I need to stop trying to understand everything with my intellect and just let thing be. I need to let go of the same of having sex with men when I was younger and being taken advantage of; I was a lost young girl who was searching for human connection. I need to observe my thoughts and choose which ones are good for me. I need to set boundaries and know that it is okay to say no. The voice telling me that I have to do things is my ego (edging away from god). Breaking down is waking up or breaking through.

I’m going through weed withdrawals. I can’t sleep well, I now get around five or six hours instead of two, none or three. I have to wait it out. I’m waking up drenched in sweat, I feel weird in the evenings and don’t know what to do with myself. I have had thoughts that I am going crazy. I am now three weeks clean, I hope dear god that I can sleep. I’ve never been addicted to cannabis, however I had used it as a crutch and have been dependent on it.

My periods are awful these days. I’ve now been bleeding for ten days which is very unusual and disturbing as they usually last at the maximum four or five days. My hormones are completely out of wack. I get aggressive energy when I’m bleeding and my suicidal thoughts increase to the point where it is unbearable. The pain in my ovary area is immensely horrific, I curl up into a ball and beg for the pain to stop; if I could describe it, it would be lightning bolts of electric volts attacking my lower area. I take paracetamol when I have to but it doesn’t do much. I get more manic and scatty too. It is truly diabolical.

Everyday I experience this: manic episodes, manic depressive episodes, racey thoughts, paranoia (a little because I’ve had so much trauma that I don’t trust people), headaches, blurry vision, diminished senses, eye pain, burning pain all over my body, sleep problems, memory loss, cognitive issuses, heart pain, lowering of the heart rate, nausea, feeling sick after I eat, swollen breasts, severe back pain, anxiety, flat mooded with no emotions, completely numb and dead. Reality does not feel real. Dissociation. Depersoanlisation. Derealisation. Panic attacks of impending doom on my chest, Forgetting where I am and who I am. Tracers of people’s past movements for three seconds. Confusion. Nightmares. Vivid dreams of Orwellian realities. Pain. Ghost-like mood where it feels as if I don’t exist, claircognizance (knowing when things happen before they happen), knowing what people are thinking, knowing all a person’s problems just by stepping outside and seeing them and feeling their aura. I am so sensitive and delicate. I notice the slightest change in energy and if it feels like bad energy I want to kill myself. Suicidal thoughts every ten minutes or five minutes. Loneliness. Fear. I am petrified. I shake, have muscle tremors, I feel the list just goes on and on. Starved of spirit, life force and human connection. I can only eat around ten foods or else my face will swell up. I’m terrified of having a psychotic episode because of all this

It’s as if everyone around me is living their lives and mine is trapped in a cage and the oxygen is disappearing, I’m gasping for air. It

Time seems to be speeding up, I can’t grasp it.

I’ve been in a mental car crash for these whole twenty years of my life. I don’t feel twenty, I feel 16 but also 90 at the same time.

The lock-down I believe is bullshit. Yes, I think there is a virus but I don’t think it is as bad as what the media states it is. There is a big battle going on between the light and dark. On my blog some beautiful quotes have been replaced by dead bodies or something dark when I look back thirty minutes later and I change it back. The spiritual healer I work with says it could be spirits trying to push me over the edge.. I know they can interfere with technology. Something strange is going on.

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I am currently on three medications: Pregablin (an anti-anxiety, nerve pain reducer, anti-epilepsy drug) at 400mg, 200mg twice a day. Diazapam (anti-anxiety, muscle relaxant) at 10mg, 5mg twice a day and if I cannot cope with the reality I experience. Zopiclone (sleeping pills) at 7.5mg as I cannot sleep properly and have PTSD flashbacks. I also take magnesium supplements at 300mg and Vitamin D at 10mg because after a test at the doctors they found out I had a severe deficiency. I do not like taking highly addictive medication however desperate people do desperate things. I was offered no help when I came back messed up from travelling except pills. I’ve been on so many different ones that I have lost count. There was no help, left in the cold with pills. I had nothing else to help me survive. I want to come off them but I’m stuck with them at the moment as I am not stable enough to come off them. They barely help me function day to day, I don’t feel right without them.. They have gotten me to where I am today at least. I experience nasty side effects like suicidal ideation, increased suicidal thoughts, constipation, feeling constantly nauseous, no appetite then increased appetite that is scatty, feeling lethargic, depressed, on edge, agitated. I am disgusted that I have gotten no help from the NHS and all I have is pills. I went to four meetings at a young peoples centre connected with the NHS in the local city and the meetings consisted of filling out forms, ridiculous and I asked for a letter to go with my benefit money appeal and instead got a girls suicide notes.

I’ve written many emails to shamans and spiritual healers from around the UK and world. I’ve had some beautiful responses that I have already posted on my blog, but some have been hard hitting with the truth. I hope to be able to discern which messages and people are right for me and can work with me. Tomorrow I have two sessions with two shamans; one is doing psychic surgery on me with his spirit allies (I know this may sound wacky but this is my soul path regarding spirituality and shamanism). I don’t know where this will lead me, I just hope something changes, I pray something changes. I don’t have faith in any of them because I’ve been let down so so so many times in the past.

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Living in a room in my parents is making me go loopy. I pace up and down like an animal getting exercise, I watch videos, study, try and function when I feel like my brain is breaking down. I am completely lonely and isolated, I have no friends or anyone to truly speak to anymore. Night times are awful, as I mentioned, I cannot sleep, I dread life and sleep.

How do I cope? I live for the next cigarette, for the next meal, for the next blog post, for the next banging on my djembe drums, for the next sleep, for the next conversation, the next piece of information. I bike or walk (sometimes limp from the amount of pain I am in) to get out of this bedroom and my mind half expects to see you in the woods or by the pond. I walk away feeling disheartened and in pain. I curl up into a ball and cry out for help everyday, I lie staring at the ceiling wishing it could all end. I also cope by knowing that I can kill myself, I’m just scared that it will go wrong and I’ll wake up in hospital or have brain damage.

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I want to kill myself. I want to live but the pain is drowning me. I know the fifth attempt is coming, the right opportunity. I am scared that it won’t work but I’ve had some experience in this and know what I have to do. I will die alone as I was born alone in complete fear and misery. If someone revives me I will be VERY angry. If that attempt fails I will have to resort to lying on train tracks to finish me off. Of course I have a conscience and feel sick that the driver would have to experience that. However, I feel like I have no escape from this pain and it would be my last resort. I will find a way to finish myself off. It is suicide out of self-love and it’s hard maybe for people to grasp this concept and understand. I want to die out of self-love and release myself, find peace from the pain I am in. At any moment I feel I could impulsively go.

I wish I could be friends with you Michael. What will be will be.

I have no idea what I am going to do. I have no idea what to do with myself. I feel paralized by confusion going round and around and round and around and round in circles.

I try my best and get up everyday. I am so proud of my being but also want to die so badly.

Standing up for myself these days has given me a little personal power back. For example standing up to people who have hurt me, letting them know that they are no better than anyone else. We are all one. We are all infinite consciousness and love experiencing itself through these individual souls we have.

Yes, it’s fucked up. My blog is raw and that’s it. What do I do?

I wish I was you.

Have a good life,

Amber

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Why Does Time Seem To Pass At Different Speeds?

“Why Does Time Seem to Pass at Different Speeds?
Does time really speed up as we get older?
Posted Jul 03, 2011

I’m six years old, in the car with my parents and brother, travelling back from our annual two week holiday in Conwy, North Wales. It’s dark and the journey seems to take forever. I lie in the back seat, watching the orange streetlights and the houses pass by, wondering if we’re ever going to get home.

“Are we nearly there yet?” I ask my father.

“Don’t be silly,” he says. “We only set off half an hour ago.”

My mum plays a few games with us to make the time pass faster. We listen to the radio for a while. Then I fall asleep. When I wake up it seems like I’ve been in the car for an eternity and I can’t believe we’re still not home.

The journey from Conwy to Manchester took two hours when I was a child and still takes roughly two hours now (although slightly less due to improvements in roads). I made the journey again a few years ago and couldn’t believe how short it seemed now, from my adult perspective. Those two hours — which seemed like an eternity when I was 6 — were nothing. My girlfriend was driving, and we chatted, listened to tapes, watched the Welsh countryside give way to the urban sprawl of north-west England, and we were back in Manchester almost before we knew it. It was a little frightening — what had happened to all the time that two hours contained when I was six years old?

This story appears to fit with most people’s experience. Most of us feel that time moved very slowly when we were children and is gradually speeding up as we grow older. We’ve all remarked on it: how Christmas seems to come around quicker every year, how you’re just getting used to writing the date of the new year on your cheques and you realise that it’s almost over, how your children are about to finish school when it doesn’t seem long since you were changing their nappies.

Questionnaires by psychologists have shown that almost everyone — including college students — feels that time is passing faster now compared to when they were half or a quarter as old. And perhaps most strikingly, a number of experiments have shown that, when older people are asked to guess how long intervals of time are, or to ‘reproduce’ the length of periods of time, they guess a shorter amount than younger people.

We usually become conscious of this speeding up around our late twenties, when many of us have settled down. We have steady jobs, marriages, and homes, and our lives become ordered into routines — the daily routine of working, coming home, having dinner and watching TV; the weekly routine of perhaps going to the gym on Monday night, going to the cinema on Wednesday night, and going for a drink with friends on Friday night; and the yearly routine of birthdays, bank holidays and two weeks’ holiday in the summer. After a few years, we start to realise that the time it takes us to run through these routines seems to be decreasing, as if we’re on a turntable picking up speed with every rotation.

This speeding up is probably responsible for the phenomenon which psychologists call forward telescoping: our tendency to think that past events have happened more recently than they actually have. Marriages, deaths, births of a child — when we look back at these and other significant events, we’re often surprised that they happened so long ago, shocked to find that it’s already been four years since a friend died when we thought it was only a couple of years, or that a niece or nephew is already ten years old when it only seems like three or four years since they were born.

The Proportional and Biological TheoriesSo why do we experience this speeding up of time?

One popular answer is the proportional theory, which suggests that the important factor is that, as you get older, each time period constitutes a smaller fraction of your life as a whole.

This theory seems to have been put forward in 1877 by Paul Janet, who suggested the law that, as William James describes it, “the apparent length of an interval at a given epoch of a man’s life is proportional to the total length of the life itself. A child of 10 feels a year as 1/10 of his whole life — a man of 50 as 1/50, the whole life meanwhile apparently preserving a constant length.”

At the age of one month, a week is a quarter of your whole life, so it’s inevitable that it seems to last forever. At the age of 14, one year constitutes around 7% of your life, which seems to be a large amount of time too. But at the age of 30, a week is only a tiny percentage of your life, and at 50 a year is only 2% of your life, so your subjective sense is that these are insignificant periods of time which pass very quickly.

There is some sense to this theory — it does offer an explanation for why the speed of time seems to increase gradually and evenly, with almost mathematical consistency. One problem with it, however, is that it tries to explain present time purely in terms of past time. The assumption is that we continually experience our lives as a whole, and perceive each day, week, month or year becoming more insignificant in relation to the whole. But we don’t live our lives like this. We live in terms of much smaller periods of time, from hour to hour and day to day, dealing with each time period on its own merits, independently of all that has gone before.

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There are also biological theories. One is that the speeding up of time is linked to how our metabolism gradually slows down as we grow older. Because children’s hearts beat faster than ours, because they breathe more quickly and their blood flows more quickly, their body clocks “cover” more time within the space of 24 hours than ours do as adults.

Children live through more time simply because they’re moving through time faster. Think of a clock which is set to run 25% faster than normal time: After 12 hours of normal time it has covered 15 hours, and after 24 hours of normal time it has covered 30 hours, which means that, from that clock’s point of view, a day has contained more time than usual. On the other hand, older people are like clocks that run slower than normal, so that they lag behind, and cover less than 24 hours against a normal clock.

Also from a biological perspective, there is the body temperature theory. In the 1930s, the psychologist Hudson Hoagland conducted a series of experiments which showed that body temperature causes different perceptions of time. Once, when his wife was ill with the flu and he was looking after her, he noticed that she complained that he’d been away for a long time even if he was only away for a few moments. With admirable scientific detachment, Hoagland tested her perception of time at different temperatures and found that the higher her temperature, the more time seemed to slow down for her, and the longer she experienced each time period.

Hoagland followed this up with several semi-sadistic experiments with students, which involved them enduring temperatures of up to 65C and wearing heated helmets. These showed that raising a person’s body temperature can slow down their sense of time passing by up to 20%. And the important point here may be that children have a higher body temperature than adults, which may mean that time is “expanded” for them. And in a similar way, our body temperature gradually lowers.

The Perceptual Theory of Time

In my view, the best way of explaining the speeding up of time is through what I call the perceptual theory. This is the explanation I present in my book Making Time. In my view, the speeding up of time we experience is mainly related to our perception of the world around us and of our experiences, and how this perception changes as we grow older.

The speed of time seems to be largely determined by how much information our minds absorb and process — the more information there is, the slower time goes. This connection was verified by the psychologist Robert Ornstein in the 1960s. In a series of experiments, Ornstein played tapes to volunteers with various kinds of sound information on them, such as simple clicking sounds and household noises. At the end, he asked them to estimate how long they had listened to the tape. He found that when there was more information on the tape, such as double the number of clicking noises, the volunteers estimated the time period to be longer.

He found that this applied to the complexity of the information too. When they were asked to examine different drawings and paintings, the participants with the most complex images estimated the time period to be longest.

And if more information slows down time, perhaps part of the reason why time goes so slowly for children is because of the massive amount of perceptual information that they take in from the world around them. Young children appear to live in a completely different world to adults — a much more intense, real, fascinating, and beautiful one. This is one of the reasons why we often recall childhood as a time of bliss — because the world was a much more exciting and beautiful place to us then, and all our experiences were so intense.

Children’s heightened perception means that they’re constantly taking in all kinds of details which pass adults by — tiny cracks in windows, insects crawling across the floor, patterns of sunlight on the carpet. And even the larger scale things which we can see seem to be more real to them, to be brighter, with more presence and is-ness. All of this information stretches out time for children.

However, as we get older, we lose this intensity of perception, and the world becomes a dreary and familiar place — so dreary and familiar that we stop paying attention to it. After all, why should you pay attention to the buildings or streets you pass on the way to work? You’ve seen these things thousands of times before, and they’re not beautiful or fascinating, they’re just… ordinary. As Wordsworth puts it in his famous poem “Intimations of Immortality,” the childhood vision which enabled to all things “apparelled in celestial light,” begins to “fade into the light of common day.” And this is why time speeds up for us. As we become adults, we begin to switch off the wonder and is-ness of the world. We gradually stop paying conscious attention to our surroundings and experience. As a result, we take in less information, which means that time passes more quickly. Time is less “stretched” with information.

Old and New Experience

And once we become adults, there is a process of progressive familiarisation which continues throughout our lives. The longer we’re alive, the more familiar the world becomes, so that the amount of perceptual information we absorb decreases with every year, and time seems to pass faster every year.

There are two basic reasons why this happens. First, as we grow older there is progressively less newness in our lives. From one year to the next, we gradually use up the store of potential new experiences available to us. Second, as we get older, all the experiences we’ve already had become more familiar to us. Not only do we have fewer new experiences, but the experiences which are already familiar to us become progressively less real. In William James’ words, “each passing year converts some of this experience into automatic routine.” As well as experiencing lots of new things, a woman at the age of 20 is still experiences the phenomenal world around her as fresh — but over the next 20 years, she’ll look at the same street scenes and the same sky thousands of times, so that more and more of their realness will fade away.

Incidentally, this link between time and information can explain other aspects of time too. One of the “laws” of psychological time which I set out in Making Time is that “time seems to slow down when we’re exposed to new environments and experiences.” This is because the unfamiliarity of new experiences allows us to take in more information.

Another of the laws is that “time goes quickly in states of absorption.” This is because in states of absorption our attention narrows to one small focus and we block out information from our surroundings. At the same time there is very little cognitive information in our minds, since the concentration has quietened the normal thought chatter of the mind. On the other hand, time goes slowly in states of boredom and discomfort because in these situations our attention isn’t occupied and thought-chatter flows through our minds, bringing a massive amount of cognitive information.

Time doesn’t necessarily have to speed up as we get older though. To a certain extent, it depends on how we live our lives, and how we relate to our experiences. I’ll look at this idea in a future blog post.

Steve Taylor is the author of several books on self-development and psychology, including Making Time: Why Time Seems to Pass at Different Speeds and How to Control it.”