What Is Numerology?

What Is Numerology?

In simple terms, numerology is a study of numbers in your life. You can uncover information about the world and also each individual person by using Numerology. Numerology is seen as a universal language of numbers.

If you are familiar with Astrology, then you may know a little bit about Numerology; it is similar in quite a few ways but uses a different method to get the information and insight: Numbers.

Numerology is the idea that the universe is a system and once broken down we are left with the basic elements, which is numbers. These numbers can then be used to help us to better understand the world and ourselves as individuals.

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Finding Meaning In Numbers
Numerology is the idea that the universe is a system; once broken down we are left with the basic elements, which is numbers. By understanding that everything in the world is dependent on, and can equate to numbers, a numerologist can take multiple elements of a person and break them down into meaningful numbers through various methods. These numbers can then be used to help us to better understand the world and ourselves as individuals where you can discover insights about your purpose and personality traits by working out things like your life path number, expression number and hearts desire number among many others.

The History Of Numerology
Where numerology came from and how it came to be is somewhat of a mystery, like many ancient philosophies. Egypt and Babylon are where the earliest written records of numerology are said to be.

Other evidence shows that numerology was used thousands of years ago in Rome, China, Greece, and Japan.

Modern-day numerology is normally credited to Pythagoras, who was a Greek philosopher. Although it is not known if he invented Numerology, he had some theories behind it, which took numbers to a completely different level. These theories are now the reason behind Pythagoras having the credit for modern day numerology.

Dr. Julian Stenton was actually the person who came up with the name ‘Numerology’. He also bought recognition and awareness to it in modern day times. There is not much else known about the whereabouts of Numerology, it has become quite popular in today’s society and is used by many.

How Does Numerology Work? The Basics
How numerology works is actually quite complicated and usually requires a master numerologist to provide detailed and accurate readings. Though you can easily find your life path number and things like your expression, personality, and soul urge numbers using basic calculations, it is the way that these numbers work together that need to be interpreted properly.

The idea behind numerology is that the cosmos and your life is affected by your birth date, birth name and many other factors surrounding an individual. In this way, there are great depths that a numerology forecast can provide. Consequently, it can provide often astounding insights about somebody.

It is believed that there are no coincidences in the Universe that your name and birthday affect the journey that you will take and your characteristics, in the same way, that some look at horoscopes or astrology to interpret signs or destinies.

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What A Numerology Reading Involves
A numerology reading involves a lot of calculations. These calculations can go into many layers of depth with different numbers and combinations of numbers carrying various meanings. Even a basic reading based on your core numbers can be quite revealing. However, in the same manner that numbers are infinite, someone’s numerology chart can continue to be read from many perspectives as an ongoing project.

Getting a numerology reading is actually quite fun and very interesting, especially at numerologist.com which has an amazing, visual platform that takes you through the journey of breaking down the 5 core elements of your chart to build your personal chart.

This is a great introduction for beginners, and it is also suited for those who want a deeper reading. Starting with your name and date of birth, they explain how your free numerology chart will not only tell you about yourself but help to provide direction in your life and wellbeing using a combination of your Life Path Number, Birthday Number, Soul Urge Number, Expression Number, and Personality Number.

Your Numerology Life Path Number
In Numerology, your life path number is the most important number. It forms the basis of what path your life could take. Similarly, it should be reflective of who you are, or should be, in your personality and traits. A life path number also outlines any opportunities or challenges you may face, as well as any lessons you may have to learn along the way.

Each life path number has a different meaning.

It is calculated by adding up the numbers in your full date of birth.
For example, April 4th 1992, would be 4 + 4 = 8. Then the 1992 is broken down as 1 + 9 + 9 + 2 = 21.

Now you add the two digits of 21 together as 2 + 1 = 3.

This is the same with any double digit numbers which you should keep adding together until you end up with a 1 digit number.
Example: 19 becomes 1 + 9 = 10, then 1 + 0 = 1). Finally, add the 8 and 3 together for your life path number i.e. 8 + 3 = 11.

Sound complicated? It’s easier than you’d think.

You can learn more about the Numerology calculator and life path number meanings here.

Once you have determined your life plan number, you can then see what it says about you and your life. And it is surprising how accurate just knowing the general traits of your life path number can be to an individual. This is why many go on to find out more about themselves with more in-depth readings.

Your Expression Number
Also known as your destiny number, an expression number is said to delve into your abilities, desires and personal goals. It could also make you aware of any inherent traits that you may carry.

Your expression number is calculated by converting your FULL birth name (including any middle names) into numbers using the Pythagorean chart. This type of chart correlates a letter with a single digit number. Then, the total sum is broken down to a single digit number. Once again the master numbers apply to your destiny number and are not reduced any further.

Whatever expression number you are left with has a different meaning and works in combination with other core numbers to build a picture of who you are and what you’re about as a person in the wider universe.

Your Soul Urge Number
Your soul urge number is often referred to as the Heart’s Desire number in numerology. This can symbolize a reflection of your inner, or true, self. The most interesting thing about the soul urge number is that it often reveals truths in people that they only recognize once a reading is completed.

For example, your heart’s desire number may show that you actually crave power. Or, that you are much deeper and require a higher level of fulfillment. Alternatively, you may have a need to feel valued or cared for… All of these qualities can often sit beneath the surface and in revelation can be quite enlightening. Even changing the entire direction of a person’s life to find true happiness.

The calculation is similar to others using your full birth name. However, you only calculate the value of the vowels to reveal your inner urges or desires.

Your Numerology Personality Number
Your personality number in numerology is calculated using only the consonants in your full name. This is then followed by the same process of allocating a number to each letter before adding them up and breaking them down to get to a single digit number or master number.

The personality number is literally the side of you that you allow people to see. In turn this shows how others see you. What is true of most people is that we hide our true selves and therefore live under a persona. Sometimes this is done with great consideration. However, most of the time we do this without even realizing, or being entirely conscious of it. For that reason, it is often quite enlightening to see how your personality number can show the things that you ignore or don’t deal with by acting the way that you do. So, in turn, it can reveal deeper insights into your behaviors in different circumstances.

Your Birth Day Number In Numerology
Lastly but by no means least, your birthday number holds the key to you and your destiny. This number is entirely based on the exact day you were born. Combined with your life path number and other core numbers this can unveil your gifts, talents and even your entire life’s purpose.

Based on your day of birth with the month, your birthday number will tell you of specific talents and potentially where they fit into your universe in order to give yourself true purpose.

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7 Interesting Facts About Numerology
So now that you are starting to realize that the numbers in your life (whether you notice them yet or not) could have more meaning than you think, here are some interesting facts about Numerology that are worth knowing.

Fact 1: Positive And Negative Numbers
All numbers used in numerology include both positive and negative features that should be recognized. Though numbers have a balance of positive and negative throughout their whole self, it is important to know that numbers are influenced by many factors. This includes your outlook and other numbers that are correlated with your different life aspects, such as career, business, health, and love.

A true, in-depth numerology forecast will not simply focus on the positives and will consider the impact of negative numbers in your chart in order to give you the best understanding of yourself. This is where numerology is used to help people focus their lives for the better.

Fact 2: Master Numbers In Numerology
Master numbers in numerology are 11, 22 or 33. They have deep and powerful meanings. The true meanings can be good or bad depending on the context. Therefore, it is important to interpret master numbers properly. Mostly they should be used for guidance or revelation of certain circumstances that impact somebody’s life in a way that needs to be addressed.

Typically, the methods used during a numerology reading mean that double-digit numbers found in date of births (birthday numbers) are usually split apart and added together to leave a single digit number that becomes a part of the calculation. But when the result of a calculation equates to a master number, it is not reduced and will carry its own meaning.

Master number 11 can relate to “instinct” and “faith”. Similarly, it could signify fear and anxiety, so has to be carefully read.

Number 22 is the Master Builder. It is the most powerful indicator of ambition and success, though often requires guidance or different perspectives.

The number 33 has various meanings as one of your core numbers i.e. Life Path, Expression, Personality etc. Not forgetting that all of these master numbers can be combined to form entirely different meanings in partnership with others, or as a triangle of enlightenment!

Fact 3: Using Numbers As A Guide For Life
Numerology in its fullest form is much more than a reading or insight into who you are as a person. In fact, many followers and advocates of numerology include highly successful celebrities that attribute their careers to numerology. The science of numerology tells you what your barriers are. Plus, it can give you a direction based on your position in the universe, potentially attributing to this success.

Deep and powerful feelings that many initially find hard to comprehend become apparent, it can inspire people to change their direction completely and begin to treat numerology as a forecast for life.

Fact 4: Converting To Numerology
Numerologists often report that once people take the step to look further into their numerology chart, they are so taken with the revelations of some of their core desires and issues in life that they will often continue on their path of discovery and enlightenment. Once you discover the accuracy of numerology readings, you can discover the truth yourself. Plus, learn what those inner feelings have been trying to tell you all of your life.

Fact 5: Strengths And Weaknesses For Purpose
Because of the accuracy of reading and insights they reveal, friends and others that have taken numerology readings will often encourage others to look into numerology as a way to find their true strengths and weaknesses. Through this discovery alone you can give yourself a better idea of what you should and shouldn’t be doing in your life. Furthermore, this could give you greater purpose to move forward.

Fact 6: So Many Numbers And Meanings
Though there are calculators and online tools to work out your individual core numbers, it is important for people to understand that there are so many numbers and meanings behind combinations of numbers and your individual self that you need a proper numerologist to interpret these for you. Where a birthday calculator can give you that one number and its meaning can show you certain basic principles behind your character, your life path number gives that factor a different meaning or viewpoint. This is where numerology is much more insightful than horoscopes and other spiritual based methods used in a similar way.

Fact 7: Numerology From Birth
One of the most fascinating aspects of numerology is that the readings are all based around the time you entered the universe in your human form. From your birth. So whether you like your name or not, or when your birthday sits in the year, all of it has a meaning.

If it were known at your time of birth and your parents were numerologists, then effectively you would never have had to consider who you are and what you should be doing in life to make you happy, or important in the world. So be proud of your full name and whenever your birthday may fall! Numerology, and its factors suggests everything about the reason you are here at all. And it’s never too late to find out.”

Source: https://www.thelawofattraction.com/what-is-numerology/

All About TRUST

“We have all been hurt and experienced pain at some point in our lives. That pain compromises our trust and can transform our perspective on life. It is natural psychologically to defend ourselves when we feel vulnerability would be dangerous, but trust is as much a blessing for our own mental health as it is a gift for those we chose to trust. When trauma or pain takes away our ability to trust others, this means it is continually hurting us and depriving us of deep, meaningful bonds.

Our spiritual heart-felt side cannot thrive if we keep ourselves walled up. While we must be careful with whom we decide to open up with, it is not healthy to withdraw trust from everyone. Every relationship whether intimate, professional or family based requires a certain level of trust.

What is Trust

Trust refers to our ability to confidently believe that someone else’s intentions are good towards us. It is our ability to predict someone’s behavior and how they will respond to situations. Trust is just as much logical and based on evidence as it is emotional and instinctual. We FEEL trust, but we also calculate it.

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Much of our social interactions are based on a give and take system, trust is a crucial part of this. When we marry someone and choose to trust them with our well-being, we have certain expectations of what they will give to the relationship as well as what we will give. Even if you consider the act of buying a car, it is natural to have more trust in a dealer selling you a certified used car with a warranty versus someone off the street that might give you a better deal but no warranty.

It comes down to this. If you believe someone will do right by you even in a difficult situation, you have trust in them. If you are unsure if someone will do right by you, then you don’t trust them.

Developing Trust

It takes time to develop trust in someone, this is typically not an overnight process although in some social situations such as with a religious leader, we tend to expect trustworthiness out of them. As we have more social interactions and experiences together we start to notice their trends which either indicate they are dependable or not trustworthy.

In some situations, the other person is asked to sacrifice something such as money or time to meet our needs, those situations draw us closer to them and allow us to let our guards down. Although it is inevitable we will have to take a leap of faith at some point to develop deep and significant trust.

Trust in Relationships

The depth of our trust we develop in a relationship is so important as it relates to the extent we commit ourselves and invest. Considering the give and take social system, we give a lot more of ourselves to someone when we trust them and in return, we hope to receive that back. Insecurity about whether someone will act in our better interest causes us to withdraw emotionally, spiritually and often physically from that person. We will create a psychological distance from the other person as a means of defense.

Think of it like building a castle around our heart, we allow them to roam outside of our castle, but we won’t let down the drawbridge so easily. It is impossible to be close to someone if we won’t let them inside. Naturally, the person roaming the castle will grow tired and eventually withdraw, thus ending the relationship. This can relate to business partnerships and friendships just as much as intimate relationships.

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Can You Trust Again?

Even if you have been badly hurt and betrayed, perhaps in a very traumatic situation, you can learn to trust people again. You have the power to decide if you will let their actions continue to hurt you and impact your ability to trust others or if you will make the choice to move forward, heal and work on trusting others.

4 Steps Towards Learning to Trust Again

  1. Trust yourself. You cannot expect to trust others if you don’t trust yourself. Do not blame yourself for the past pain that robbed you of trust. Remember you are making the choice to stop giving power to that pain. Have faith in your judgment and don’t doubt yourself based upon past experiences.
  2. Forgiveness. This doesn’t mean you are forgetting or condoning what the other person did, but you are choosing to be the better person and extend forgiveness to them as well as yourself. You are refusing to let their bad choices dictate your future. Every major religion in the world promotes forgiveness and mercy. Not just as an act of charity, but as a means of healing your own heart.

…you do not do evil to those who do evil to you, but you deal with them with forgiveness and kindness…

  1. Stop victimizing yourself. We always have a choice when we are hurt, to remain the victim or to become stronger. No matter how harsh of a pain you endured, it is your choice to use it as a crutch and stay withdrawn OR take the steps forward toward healing. I have often heard the expression that which does not kill you only makes you stronger, it is true if you allow it to be. Stop being the victim, start being the victor. No one will hand you the ability to trust again, you must work toward it.
  2. Accept vulnerability. Trust requires being vulnerable, which yes that means you must accept the risk you might get hurt. Every time we trust someone it is a careful risk calculation. Without the occasional leaps of faith, you will never know the extent of trust and love you can experience.

Final Thoughts

Trust is a critical component of our mental well-being, if we cannot trust anyone else then we lack trust in our own judgment. To achieve our happiest and most positive state of mind, we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable. That doesn’t mean we never have our guards up, of course, we must be mindful of who has access to our heart and the ability to harm us. Trust is a careful calculation of risk and reward. You have the ability to learn how to trust again, I did.”

Source: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/spirituality/2018/08/learning-how-to-trust-again/

30/06/20: What Now?

I used to write diary entries on this blog nearly daily. Now I barely write any diary entries. I guess I got caught up in the chaos of life. I guess I kept putting it off. I guess I have been so drained of energy that I cannot muster up the words to describe my experience of reality. I’m in the process, as I always say, of writing a long diary update post, there is a lot I want to get out of my head and into words on this blog.

Where do I start?

I feel like I am descending into death. The pain, the burning acid wearing away at my body is tearing me apart. There is no pain relief. There is no peace. There is no clarity. There is no joy. There is no happiness. There is no emotion. I am numb, I feel nothing yet hyper sensitive to vibrations and energies. I feel sick. I feel my brain is numbed and soggy from the pharmaceuticals prescribed. Fibromyalgia is debilitating me.

I can’t quite believe it is nearly a year now since I tried to commit suicide for the third time after I came back from a hellish travelling experience in the North of Spain in early July 2019. My brain hasn’t seem to have caught up to this current reality. I still don’t quite believe what happened, it feels like I am looking back on another person, yet it is also myself. I want to howl and cry and scream yet I cannot, I am numbed and feel no emotion. Okay, I feel some emotion (guilt, shame, slight warmth maybe when I hug, misery, despair, desperation). What the fuck happened? I’ve tried to heal from it, yet all my avenues fail me. Betrayal is a hard pill to swallow, yet it taught me a lot of things, about humans, about reality and how others can act. I could never have imagined what happened. Yet, I know it was wrong, on a human level. It was meant to be on my soul path. I have to keep learning to accept what was and what is now.

My lymph glands are swollen in my neck and my lips are so sore they are cracked and I can’t speak properly. Stress. Overwhelming stress from all angles.

I cannot think properly. I haven’t been able to think properly in two years. My mind is a hazy fog swamp. Somehow I manage to maintain a blog and stay alive. I guess we are built for survival. Do you know how awful it is to not be able to think clearly or have a clear head? Brain zaps randomly come and go. I am numb and forget words. I used to read the dictionary for breakfast, now those words escape my grasp, to the pain of my ego self-worth partially built on intellect. Luckily I manage to do what I can. Speaking to people is hard, I slur my words, am hazy and forget what I am saying. I forget what I have just done minutes ago. Memories are not clear. I can’t remember what happened in the past week, I am stuck in a stagnant swamp of a mind. Pharmaceuticals? Brain damage? Infection? Trauma? I keep wanting to understand what has happened to me. Amnesia is awful, it’s sickeningly scary to not know what you are doing or what you did yesterday.

I pray I sleep at night. I pray to my angels, guides and to the all mighty one that is the essence of my consciousness. I’m used to smoking cannabis in the evening. I used it to escape the pain of my reality, the gut wrenching body pain wearing me down, to forget, to just be, to feel something other than what I feel now which is what I will go into. It’s a dependency borderling addiction. I don’t have it now. I don’t usually smoke alone. I like to smoke socially. I enjoy making love with my partner after having smoked cannabis as my body pain is reduced and I can actually feel a slighter degree less pain. I miss it. But I had to go again. I’m here now, at my parents. Last night I took two sleeping pills to be bake to get to sleep. I was given them for PTSD flashbacks and anxiety, now months and months later I am still on them. I wish things were not this way. This is not me, taking fucking sleeping pills. I wake up feeling very groggy, brain zapped and it takes a while to get back to my regular fucked up state of consciousness. I wish I could sleep and never wake up. I want to be gone into the infinite dream of reality. I guess I will pull through and be clean of cannabis for a while. It was my crutch and aid to get me here today and I thank the plant spirit for that. Yet, life cannot go on like that. Yet, I feel stuck and paralysed on what to do. I am scared. Scared of withdrawals. Scared of evenings alone wondering if I will sleep tonight staring at the wall in this room. I miss smoking with you together on the sofa, I feel your warm heart from a distance or up close, I miss your body next to mine in bed, my guardian. I miss smoking joints with you in nature, taking walks when things are more settled between us.

I can’t move too much out of the bedroom I have been stuck in for years. I don’t want to call it a prison, but I see myself as a bird trapped in a cage. I don’t want to go out. I’ve seen it all before. Yet I haven’t seen it truly through a clear lense of perception, without the ego’s trauma and pain associated with this area. I don’t know how long I will survive in this room. I just want to die and commit suicide.

I am severely depressed. I laugh my way through things to keep the energy raised and to raise others frequencys and not make them have to feel my pain energetically. I am anxious all the time, on edge, survival mode, I cannot relax. My mind is racing round and round and it won’t stop. I am sick of my own mind.

Have I ruined myself with this big stretcher in my ear and by covering myself with tattoos? Why did I do this? To cope with reality? To feel pain to feel something? To design my body and do what I like? To express myself? Is it a combination of all? I wonder. I wonder what it would be like to be pure, bare naked skin. I love it all, yet doubts have entered my mind. I have always gone to the extreme with things since a young child, I had to have all in the collection, all the lipsticks, all the dolls, all the articles, all the knowledge, all the whatever. I always go full pelt. I could channel that in other ways.

I feel sick. I hate my body, I wish it was skin and bone. Yet I love it at the same time. You can love something and hate something at the same time right? I love my curves, my breasts, my petite size and my smile yet I have so much self hatred starting from a young girl who learned to hate herself, who thought she was fat and ugly. She took on the projections of others. I still carry it with me to this day. Yet that was far from the truth.

I am destaught at what happened yesterday. That pushed me to my limits. It was hurtful and inconsiderate. It was extreme when I only wanted to go back. So so painful, my body and mind are scared with bruises of pain. My whole being aches. It happened but it didn’t have to happen. I had to go back, things were not right, things that happened were not right. I can put it behind me, like I do, but is it suppressing me? I can’t even cry about it as my being won’t let me. One of the hardest things I will say is not being able to cry ever. To cry is a release. I cannot cry and I feel the pressure stored up inside my being and it won’t come out. I had a panic attack last night, same time as you, I guess I’m addicted to you and felt bizarre without you near me. What happened was unnecessary and childish. Why? I’m sick man, that’s my excuse. Just drive.

I slept seven hours, woke up ate lettece and grapes, my daily diet as everything other than a few foods makes me sick. I reported and took care of my plants all the while sucifial thoughts rattled my mind. I washed, I washed all my clothes, I listened to a few videos and songs. I smoked cigarettes whilst reading wordpress posts. I love gaining knowledge through others, I love reading posts and learning new ideas and such. I debated about killing myself. I had a talk with someone who used to run a mental health centre in the city, it helped and grounded me a bit, but I am lost. I feel I am going round in circles.

The world is a strange place now. I see what is going to happen, people are numbed down and think things will go back to “normal.” “THEY” don’t care a bit about you, they want you for what you offer, your life energy, they feed off you. The world will never be the same again. What the fuck is going on, I can’t quite believe it. Disgusting and lies and bullshit. It’s all a play and grand show. The curtains are falling down and we will all see our whole lives were a lie and joke.

What the fuck do I do now? I’ve spent a whole year and more trying to heal myself and haven’t gotten anywhere. The NHS is shit. Therapy doesn’t really work or give me any coping strategies or ways to see the trauma I have endured. People let me down to the point where I don’t trust anyone. I don’t even trust my own parents. I have scars all over my being. I even tried freezing cold cyrotherpay on my body, supplements, techniques etc. I’m so tired and bored now. I’m grinding to a holt. If nothing changes I am gone. It will be over. No more pain. Never to be heard from again. Parents will be sad, a couple others and that’s it, moving on and now it’s 2040, my remembrance will be of a struggling girl who was trying to save herself only thought of occasionally. My grave will be deserted and muddy. Please burn my ashes and sprinkle them in places I had new experiences. What do I do now?

I am dreading every moment of every second of every millisecond.

I feel ghostly, terrified, petrified, lost, confused, mentally bruised, flat, dead, no mood, seeing tracers of past movements for three seconds, numbed, suppressed, blurry, vision blurry. Dear God am I really fucked?

Death obsesses me. Its my way of finding relief from this pain. I cannot think of any other relief or release.

Pure misery. Pure deadness.

How can I grow? How can I make friends? How can I walk long distances again? How can I write that book? How do I come off pharmaceuticals? Where do I look for support now that I have exhausted my resources? How can I ever feel my body again? How can I be present again? When will this acid burning all over my body end? When will I remember things again? When will I feel again? When will I think again? When will I feel any emotion again? When will I be free again? When will I feel, smell, taste and see properly again? When can I ever enjoy my human existence and experience again? When will I see that sparkle in my eye again?

With so much to spill out of my mind I now smoke a cigarette, do what I will, pray, lay in my bed in despair, in pieces, in agony staring at the same wall I have stared at for years and years. Then I pray I sleep. If not, if insomnia kicks in I am fucking out, not again please not again. Please don’t whip me, the devilish reality. Please don’t hurt me. Please stop God. Please make this all stop. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do it.. Stop torturing me? Did I really do that bad in a past life? Did I bring this upon myself? Was it circumstances? It was all me?

One day this bird will have the cage door opened onto the universe and its wings will spread wide, the little blackbird will turn into a condor, a Peruvian Condor sweeping the terrains of the Amazon rainforest. *dreams over*.

Long story short. I HATE my existence. PAIN is all I know. From one pain to the next, onto another pain and then another. On and on it goes.

If only our society was not so young in soul, if only euthanasia was a possibility. I’d apply straight away, no second thoughts, bye bye.

Take care, may you dream sweet and enjoy the existence you have, its so fleeting, in a blink of an eye you will be on your deathbed looking back. What really mattered? Go give your loved fellow humans a hug and look at trees, go enjoy the body God gifted you, enjoy it for me, for I cannot experience life like you, pain.

Have a good life,


Getting Unhooked From Thoughts

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Getting hooked means getting caught up in thinking and losing touch with what is happening outside of our minds. When we get hooked by unwanted thoughts it is as though they push us around or bully us, like a critical coach who stands on the sidelines giving harsh feedback.

Getting unhooked means stepping back from our minds and experiencing our thoughts without evaluating them, trying to change them, or pushing them away. That is, paying attention to the experience of having the thoughts, rather than focusing on their meaning (for example, “there must be something wrong with me).

That doesn’t mean you have to like or want the thought. It is more to do with acknowledging that you are having the thought and that pushing it away may not have been very helpful. The more you resist, the more the thought persists.