“I don’t know what to say.
It’s not as your mind perceives. I haven’t celebrated a birthday here since I was very young. I had some conversations with human family here but I’m staring at the tree outside my window which is sprouting again and coming back to life wanting to die. Life blooming and death lurking. I’m drained and exhausted, blood pouring.
I’m just in this room all night finding life obscure and trying to do normal things. I don’t even know how I feel. Weird. Confused. Lost. Wanting to close the curtains and sleep for eternity.
I had a good conversation with Leigh, we talked about how my chakras (we have more than 7 chakras we see in pop culture) below my feet and hands are clogged, stagnant (sometimes when I walk I don’t feel my feet, they go numb and I have pins and needles ALOT) and I need to do cleansing work on them from all the walking I did. We talked about safety, and changing how I perceive this room and area, it’s safe. Mantra: I am safe. We talked about gratitude and bringing it into my life. I’m not homeless in Barcelona, some people would love to be in a safe room. I’m still stuck in survival, hyper alert mode, my brain is scanning my environment constantly for danger. He said about therapy with Nigel and how it is dangerous not closing the energy down and I am wary of that. It’s not good for me fully. I need to find a trained, spiritually aware but mixed psychotherapist now for deep work.
Apart from that, I have no idea how I am. Stalemate.”
Have a good life,